Reliance on others (even God at times) can be hard for me. There’s a part of me that dreams of true self-sufficiency and independence, living “off the grid,” with everything I need all in one place under my control. This dream creates obvious problems when I try implementing the same desires into my day-to-day decisions. I selfishly hope to just use God (or others) like a genie in a bottle…get what I want, when I want it, but without any strings attached or the need to give up anything in return. Despite my best efforts, all of a sudden, I’m worried and anxious about losing what I have or never having enough. I start comparing myself to others or feel threatened when others succeed. I get stingy and only give away my leftovers. And I definitely don’t operate with a gracious and grateful attitude towards God and others when I convince myself I “earned” everything anyways. Remembering that every good and perfect gift comes from God frees me to rely on Him for all my needs, graciously and generously give to others, and worship Him with a thankful heart knowing that He’s given me far more than I ever deserve.
Lord, forgive me for how often I seek independence from You. Please help me surrender all that I have, relying on You full-heartedly for all my needs and desires.