God was calling me to follow Jesus long before I responded to Him. I was blinded by my selfish desires and the mere thought of making a commitment like that was frightful. My will was in direct opposition to the Lord’s and I thought I knew a better way. The picture I envisioned of being a dedicated and devoted disciple was one of boredom and monotony. Whatever the cause of my faulty reasoning was doesn’t really matter because I was clueless about the adventure that was awaiting me once I made the decision to repent. The blessing that followed my decision to trust God instead of leaning on my own understanding of the way life should be lived has been delightful. His ways are so much higher than my ways and experiencing the reality of that simple truth is inexhaustible for me to discover in my lifetime. I thank God for His long-suffering with me and pray for a greater hunger for His Kingdom and righteousness.
"Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts. Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon. 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'"
"But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith."