February 17, 2024

Bill Edinger
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
Philippians 4:12-13

In the fall of my freshman year of high school, my world fell apart. Out of nowhere, my parents separated, and, less than a year later, were divorced. Because of my age, the court told me to select which parent to live with. I’d always been told I was “just like my dad” so naturally I went with him. Thus began my estrangement from my mother.

Within two weeks of the divorce, my dad remarried, again out of the blue. His new wife was from “back east,” and I really tried to like her. But she was extremely insecure and believed that there was only so much love to give, and if my dad was giving me any, that threatened her. It took a few years, but she succeeded in driving a wedge between my dad and me. Thus began my estrangement from my father.

Growing up, we did not go to church. My mother tried, but my dad didn’t see the point. So, when my folks divorced and with nothing else to fall back on, especially after I became estranged from both of them, I withdrew into myself. The song “I am a Rock” was me: “I am a rock, I am an island…I’ve built walls, a fortress deep and mighty that none may penetrate…I have no need of friendship…If I never loved, I never would have cried…and a rock feels no pain and an island never cries.” I thought I was safe. I was in emotional despair and absolute isolation. Yet, I didn’t know it. I got married, had children, and had a successful career. All alone.

Approaching my 60th year, my wife and I were invited to Easter service. I went…and was profoundly moved. I was shaken to my core by video clips of Christ’s crucifixion. I identified completely with Christ — betrayed, denied, completely alone. However, I completely missed the point. He was not alone. He had the Father with Him.

It was not until just recently, within the past few years, when I met and married Susan, a true woman of Christ, that I have fully come to understand the Holy Trinity, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I have finally gotten the message, and my entire world has been illuminated. I have learned to trust again, to love completely, to have truly meaningful Christ-centered friendships, to embrace what I can, and to accept what I cannot.

My life has been resurrected. I know what it is to need and to have plenty. And I am now content.