As a perfectionist and the oldest daughter, I grew up believing the lie that I needed to be perfect and constantly do things for God to be accepted and loved. I knew that I was a child of God, but I could not imagine that He would have time for me or that I could ever do enough to be truly loved by Him.
I found my worth in what teachers, friend’s parents, pastors, and mentors said about me — it seemed easier than relying on what God said because then I would have to face my own pride. Of course, this eventually became exhausting, and I was tired of it. I was tired of “being perfect,” and I was tired of not being truthful to everyone around me. Instead of dealing with the root of this issue, though, I distracted myself with a relationship that was not honoring the Lord.
After a few months, moving to college, finding Cypress Creek Church, and joining Crosstalk, the Holy Spirit prepared my heart and prompted my parents to finally intervene. We had a conversation that would forever change the way I view agape love. They told me that whether I chose to walk away from that relationship or stay in it, they would love me no matter what.
At that moment, I felt a sigh of relief from the tension I hadn’t even realized I was holding in. I was reminded by the Lord, through my parents, that even though I am a sinner, Christ died for me and loves me. In that moment, all my head knowledge of God became heart knowledge of God. I still struggle with pride, anxiety, and perfectionism, BUT God constantly reminds me who He is and who I am because of Him — a redeemed daughter of the Highest King.