In 2008, I was attending yet another retreat at a church that had become my refuge as a teenager. I don’t remember much about the place we stayed, the friends I went with, or what we did throughout the weekend. However, I still remember the theme, teaching, main worship song, and t-shirt design. I remember those things not because of how great (or now out-of-date) the design was, but because God used the theme powerfully to intersect my life exactly where I was and as I was.
That weekend, God spoke to the deepest parts of me, revealing how much I needed Him to “consume me from the inside out.” There in the middle of a packed retreat, standing within a crowd of my peers, God saw me. God picked me out and allowed me to encounter His love and gracious willingness to renew me and re-purpose my life. Right then, I told God that I didn’t understand everything about becoming a Christian or if I’d even want to continue to follow Him later in life, but that I wanted (needed) my life to be consumed. I needed a new way to live and prayed that God would receive me as I surrendered to Him.
For a long time, I didn’t tell a soul about that encounter — I don’t think I knew how. But from that moment on, God showed me how real and how present He was, and how He wanted to show me the path of life, even if my external circumstances didn’t change in the meantime.
Life has obviously not been simple or easy since then, but I’m so grateful that God has continued to steer me down the path of life and infused me with His joy and provision along the way. As I remember that encounter with God, I’m filled with awe and gratitude for how He works even when we are the least deserving. I also wonder how else He wants to encounter each of us as we pause and wait for Him to show us His ways. Show us, Lord, we are listening.