When I moved to San Marcos to attend Texas State several years ago, I had no idea what it meant to have true freedom in Jesus. Outwardly, I played the part the best I could. I tried to look the Christian part of joy and happiness, but my life was riddled with pretending and performing. Inwardly, I was insecure, anxious, and lonely. Even though I had a relationship with Jesus, I still was not allowing myself to hand over my brokenness to Him. For so long, I convinced myself that my insecurities and my burdens were just part of who I was. But God, in His great mercy, continued calling me deeper and deeper into His living waters of transformation and healing.
Looking back on those times in my life, the issue has never been with God’s ability to transform me more into the image of Himself. The problem was my own striving and my own attempt to change myself. I did not know what it meant to behold the One who changes everything. I can just picture Jesus gently taking me into His arms after so long of striving and fighting and hearing Him whisper, “You can rest, daughter. Just keep your eyes on me.”
I began to uncover real peace and joy that I didn’t need to pretend about. We don’t need to compare who we are to others who are walking with Him, and we don’t need to be frustrated with ourselves for where we wish we were. Child of God, you can relax. You don’t need to strive anymore. Just look at His wonderful face and allow Him to transform you from one degree of glory to another.